The sexy blue mercedes I fell in love with was now a pile of twisted metal. It's funny I felt worse about the car, than I did about my own body smashed between the dashboard and the leather seats. My breath stopped and my heart went silent inside my chest. And as I shifted up out of my body the world seemed quiet around me. The car on the side of the hill and my cold body inside it.
It's weird seeing yourself hovering above yourself. And for a few minutes it was like watching a hollywood movie of a car crash. Like I was sitting in a comfy theater waiting for the scene to end. I couldn't believe what was happening. And I floated there in that sea of ether. Suspended between worlds, not alive, not dead.
I looked at the gold watch on my limp arm. And the Armani suit soaked in blood. Boy that would be hard to clean, poor suit. Cost me a lot of money. But I have five more suits at home just like it. Gorgeous home overlooking the ocean. A three car garage keeping my expensive toys in perfect condition. I loved the fast life, fancy cars, fine wines, and tailored suits.
The images of my life began to play in front of my eyes. Like watching a TV screen of randomly changing channels. It was a glitzy life but instead of feeling happiness I felt empty. Looking back, I realized I rarely smiled. Not a real smile.
I had everything and any woman I wanted for the night. But true happiness eluded me. Something I chased everyday as I worked long hours and shopped at expensive stores.
In that suspended space between life and death, there are no lies. And it's hard not to see the truth of what we are living each day. From that perspective my lack of inner happiness was extremely clear. And all the while I thought I had a grand life. Everything that money could buy. But you can't buy happiness in a store and real smiles don't have a price tag.
I always told myself that status was everything and climbing the ladder of success would bring fulfillment and happiness. It's funny that all my wealth was no comfort to me now. Wish I had another chance to live life differently. To focus on the people I care about and not the dollar signs.
Patiently I waited for the heavenly light and the tunnel but none appeared. The only lights I saw were the flashing red ones on the emergency vehicle. Two men emerged to see the wreckage and my body imprisoned inside it. How I hoped they'd at least give me a good burial.
While I was wondering if anyone would sincerely cry at my funeral, I felt a jolt. And was mysteriously pulled back into that painful body. It hurt like hell but even as I lay there I felt happy to be alive. Those men must have thought I was crazy smiling in the midst of all that chaos. But I guess it took dying to make me really see what life is truly about.